Meaning Behind the Song:

I wrote this song thinking about my life and my Borderline Personality (BPD) Disorder and how my emotional disregulation effects my life and those who are around me. How myself and others with BPD can get emotional, often angry, at the littliest of things and then people question what is going on with me or others who suffer from this mental health condition. It goes into how I have made people cry at times, which I hate and don't intend for my actions to do so. Then I talk about how the shame I feel and the guilt then sets in and how I never meant for what seems to be the devil to win. I then go into how I often apologize afterwards, but after a while I know they can mean very little, when I can't control myself in the future and continue with the same pattern of destructive behavior. I then talk about the damage that is done and how people often hate me afterwards. As with most people with BDP, I have trouble in relationships and often they don't last, which makes it difficult in every aspect of life. It's very hard for someone like me to live in a world where one of the most important aspects of life and a successful life at that is the relationships we create. Emotional disregulation often hurts relationships. I then talk about that where I will make a friend then comes my BPD, and that I need treatment, which currently the only treatment is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), but I don't pursue it anymore, because of the cost, so while friendships are made they are often lost. I end the song saying I'm sorry if you have come into my path, my path of destruction and that I am trying to work on my heart and maybe if I can focus on that, then maybe I can reconstruct my mind or God can to help with my lack of emotional control. I know it typically doesn't work that way for someone with a mental health disorder, but with enough prayer maybe God can cure me. I have faith!