Meaning Behind the Song:
I initally started to write this song thinking about how when looking to walk into a new church I would feel all eyes looking and me, wondering if they were judging me or if it was just me judging myself, while also being afraid to speak and share my story for fear of judgment. Then I began thinking about how that applies to many situations. As I listened to the lyrics of the songs produced I didn't connect with my own lyrics as much and initally didn't like my lyrics to this song, but then I began to think of how it felt walking the through the halls of middle school or high school. I began to think of what it was like for me as a kid walking those halls, then I also pictured my daughter's and what they might feel or any younger girl might feel as they may feel insecure or afraid to speak, afraid to share their stories out of fear and fear of being judged. I think we all do this at times, we hesitate to speak, because we don't want to be judged and simply just want to be liked, but too often we are our own worst critics and judge ourselves, before even others do, so we don't speak and share our stories, because we assume others see us sometimes we see ourselves, when we see ourselves as not good enough or inadequate. We are at times afraid that others see us just as that, not good enough or inadequate. That others see the same flaws that we see in ourselves.
Lyrics
(C) Afraid to Speak - Raymond Bruns
Standing Here,
Can they see the worry on my face
Do they know I’m uncomfortable in this space
Am I wearing the right thing to fit in
Do they know I'm uncomfortable in my skin
Afraid to make eye contact, because I feel out of place
Sweaty palms, pit in my stomach and mortified red face
Can they see what I’m feeling or is it just me
Do I fit in or should I just turn and flee
Afraid to speak, don’t know anyone
This feeling makes me want to turn and run
I’m not perfect, can they see that
I’m wondering what their eyes are looking at
Stepping over that threshold and entering new territory
When anxiety sets in, anxious to share my story
Trying to get past all of the eyes staring at me
Wondering what they’re thinking and what they see
Afraid to speak, don’t know anyone
This feeling makes me want to turn and run
I’m not perfect, can they see that
I’m wondering what their eyes are looking at
Are they judging me or is it my mind
Have I been judging myself this whole time
Seeing myself as not enough or inadequate
I pray everyone’s eyes are compassionate
Afraid to speak, don’t know anyone
This feeling makes me want to turn and run
I’m not perfect, can they see that
I’m wondering what their eyes are looking at
Maybe it's the same flaws that I see in myself
And the pent up emotions pretending not to be felt
Hidden away in my soul hoping no one will find
My self-destructive thoughts, not so kind
Afraid to speak, don’t know anyone
This feeling makes me want to turn and run
I’m not perfect, can they see that
I’m wondering what their eyes are looking at
Am I too this or am I too that
I'll never be this or I'll never be that
It's those things I always wonder about
What I see makes me question and makes me doubt
Then God whispers,
It's ok,
Don't be afraid to speak, because you don’t know anyone
I understand this feeling makes you want to turn and run
No one is perfect and I'll remind them of that
So share your story and don't look back